Death

I've been thinking about death a lot lately. It seems we are surrounded by death from a very early age. As long as i can remember there has always been death around everyone. From grandparents, close family members, distant relatives, friends, friends of friends, and of course complete strangers are dying all the time. So there's this constant unease of death around us at all time.

Also there's the inevitability of our own death. We pretend it's far off and if we even think about it for a second we are told that we are wasting our time being negative and not enjoying life. This is a conditioned response from what I can tell. We've heard people say that time and time again, but i don't think it's accurate at all.  One day we are going to die. It may be peaceful and quick, maybe in our sleep, or it could be really slow and painful. This is what scares us the most. The not knowing.... But to ponder your inevitable death is a very interesting exercise. Sometimes at night i lay there with my hands and feet like they will eventually be placed when I am in my casket. Sometimes i hold my breath, other times I just lay there and pretend to be dead.

In spiritual circles you hear the phrase die before you die, meaning death of the ego before physical death. This supposedly greatly changes things. I dream of one day attaining these states of mind where you can transcend the ego and see beyond the so called little me. Maybe one day, maybe today, who knows. All that i know right now is that death is on my mind a lot more now that I have a job where I have to commute. I'm literally inches from death for a couple of hours a day as cars weave in and out and all around me at high speeds. So there's that fear and there's the fear of losing the people I love most in this world. So there's a constant dis-ease in my mind.

I've started an 8 week mindfulness training program that will hopefully help me get out of my mind and into the present moment. I refuse to take any pills or medicine for anxiety or depression due to other side effects. I'm hoping for good results after 8 weeks as all i really want in life besides the basics is to have a peaceful mind. A peaceful mind that is unaltered by the circumstances around me.